


Never Gonna Lose You.

by Agentrogers17



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Charles Being Concerned, Cute, Erik Has Feelings, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Erik is a Sweetheart, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Hank Being Awesome, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, Love, Original Character Death(s), Poor Erik, Protective Erik, Rebirth, Sad, Sassy Raven
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7291075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agentrogers17/pseuds/Agentrogers17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader and Erik are couple. Amd every couple has their ups and downs. But when you are a powerful mutant ups and downs are a bit different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Every Colour.

"I think you exactly know what you are doing to me." I said looking at her (e/c) eyes. She gave me a beautiful smile which reached those pretty eyes.  
"I know... I am making you feel things." She said running her small hand up and down my torso. I caught it and pressed to my lips.  
"Yeah... Things."  
"Stop it Erik." She said pulling her hand. I smirked at her and bit her soft skin.  
"Ouch." She said.  
"Come on princess I bit you harder than that and you only moaned." I said. She blushed. A lovely shade of pink all over her beautiful face.  
"And here is the blush..." I said. She softly punched my shoulder with her other hand.  
"If you will keep talking like that no more biting."  
"You like it when I bite you."  
"I am ready to sacrifice it if it will teach you a lesson."  
"I need no lessons dear. All I need is you." I said and put my arms around her smaller frame. Her arms made a circle around my waist and she pressed her cheek to my chest.  
"Charles will be angry if we will be late again."  
"He won't." I said kissing her soft (h/c) hair. It smelled like lavender. It smelled like home to me. Her shampoo, her body wash, her perfume, her lotion and her own scent... It all made me feel at home. Where I meant to be. And it was new. I never had home. I never had comfort. I never had love. At least not as much love as she was giving to me. Never. But everything felt right and perfect when she was close.  
"He will." She said.  
"He is happy for me. For us. Because you have no idea what kind of man I was when I first met him. Then you came to this picture. And I became a better man. He is happy about that. And he could never be angry."  
"Still it is a bad thing to use it for our benefits this much."  
"Oh honey I am bad. Everything about me is."  
"Sure thing bad boy." She said and broke the hug. Instead she took my hand in her and started to pull me towards the meeting room.   
***  
"Are you sure you are okay?" I heard (y/n)s soft voice. Her hand touching my forehead.  
"Oh my god you are burning up." She said and before I could tell amything she was gone. She returned few minutes later something with a strong smell with her. It was a towel smelling apple cider? And she put that smelling towel to my forehead.  
"Keep it there. I will prepare you some soup."  
"It smells."  
"I know honey but it will lower down your fever. I promise." She said and pecked my lips. It was a divine moment of feeling her soft lips against mine.   
10 maybe 20 minutes later she returned with a tray in her hands. Chicken soup. She took the towel away and helped me sit up. She even feeded me. Some hours later we were watching TV together. My head pressed to her breasts and it felt very comfortable.  
"Are you feeling any better?" She asked me. I buried my face between her boobs and took a deep breath.  
"Yeah." I said.  
"Oh you are burning up but still you are a perv!" She said and smacked my head. I put my arm around her waist and squezed her.  
"Can't blame me for you being this hot." I said and bit her left boob.  
"Erik. Stop being a little shit you are. Right now you are ill and I am begging you. Behave."  
"Nope." I said and my free hand made its way under her shirt and I caresed her naked stomach.  
"Erik..." she half said half moaned.  
"I like my name more when you say it with so much lust dear." I said and smiled.  
"If you won't stop that attitude and focus on healing I am going to go." She said firmly.  
"But honey... I need some love." I said and kissed her neck.   
"Erik."  
"I will stop. If you will cuddle me." I said. I knew this was a battle I could not win so I choose the option which would make her get closer.  
"You are a cutie." She said as I buried my face in her soft hair.  
"Oh shut up I am dangerous and scary Magneto."  
"Dangerous and scary my ass." She laughed.  
"I love you you know?" I said. She smiled and kissed my chest.  
"I know. And I love you."  
***  
"Oh you are alone? That is interesting. Where is your loved one old friend?" I heard Charles ask me. I was reading a newspaper at the garden.  
"With Raven. Went shopping." I said.  
"Are you jealous of Raven?" He asked.  
"No. I am not." I said.

It was a lie. I was jealous. But not Raven the time she was spending with (y/n). I wanted to be the one who she spend her Saturday afternoon with. I wanted to watch that chick flick with her. I wanted to take that 45 minute road trip to town with her. She was mine but Raven was stealing her.  
"Come on Erik. Girls are just having some girl time. No need to envy that."  
"I just... I should be there with her."  
"Having some girl time?"  
"Having (y/n) by my side. Raven has Hank so why she is with my girl?"  
"Because they are friends?"  
"Still she is mine."  
"I know. Trust me everyone knows. Remember the last time Alex tried to watch TV with her?" Charles asked smirking at me. Okay that one was not one of my proudest moments but I was jealous and I had no control over my actions.  
"Shut up." I hissed.  
"Poor guy was just sitting next to her and just watching some TV. And you came there suddanly took (y/n) and carried her away from him like he was fire."  
"I was jealous."  
"You always are. And over protective and possesive and a bit crazy."  
"What should that mean Xavier?"   
"That you should let her live a little."  
"We are good."  
"Yes you are. Because no matter how stupid you act (y/n) can forgive and forget everything you do. She loves you a lot but relax a bit mate. You are pushing her too hard. You act like she is an item that was made for you. And she is trying to not mind but it bothers her."  
"What?"  
"No. She is not thinking about leaving you. Or anything... It is just she is stressed about it. And if you will act more normal towards her she will get rid of that stress."  
Charles was going to say something more but we heard (y/n)s and Raven's voices. She parked the car and waved to us before exiting. We walked towards them and helped them carry their bags.  
"How was it?" I asked kissing her softly.  
"Good. I had lots of fun and lots of shopping with Raven." She giggled.  
"And drived while you were drunk? Both of you are drunk." Charles said.   
"I am not drunk Charles. Just a little tipsy but I was careful. Drove less than speed limit. Right Raven?"  
"Yepp. She was extra careful." She said. I put my arm around the curve of (y/n) waist and she leaned to me.  
"Promise me here and now no more drinking and driving."  
"I promise." She said.  
"You can just call me or Chuck over here. We will come and get you girls." I said.   
"Okay." She said and put her arms around my torso. And we walked inside.  
"Are you tired?" I asked caresing her leg as she layed on our bed.  
"A tiny bit."  
"Wanna sleep?"  
"Always."  
"Then sleep darling. Take a nap. I will wake you up before dinner."  
"Thanks Erik."  
"Anything for you."  
***  
"Are you fucking crazy!" I said. I was seeing red. Me, (Y/n) and Banshee just returned from a mission. Banshee run away as soon as we landed. I could not blame him. Both me and (y/n) were furious and I could only imagine how scary that looked.  
"Don't shout at me!" She said. Her left leg was cut from ankle to thigh. A deep cut. She lost a lot of blood on our way back. Hank was trying to clean that wound and sew it as we were arguing.  
"How dare you put yourself in such danger? How dare you let yourself get hurt this much!"  
"I was saving civils Erik. Doing my job."  
"Your job is not getting hurt."  
"Getting hurt is a side effect!"  
"Yeah sure? Why did no one else then you got hurt then? Aren't we all in the same fucking job?"  
"Says the man who nearly died 2 missions ago. Not being able to stop a bullet which was metal!"  
"That was one time!"  
"Yeah. And I get hurt every damn time?"  
"Mostly! You are not careful enough!"  
"Excuse me!"  
"You are not careful damn it! You don't understand the size of danger! You shouldn't go on any missions!"  
"And you are going to decide it?"  
"I am. Because you clearly are not sensible enough to do it."  
"Get out." She hissed.  
"What?"  
"Get out! I don't want you here anymore. I don't want your narcism. Get out!"  
"(Y/n)!"  
"Get out Erik. I don't need a man who will act like I am and idiot. I don't need you."  
The last sentence which left her lips broke my heart in million pieces and I turned on my heels and made my way outside leaving her with Hank.  
"Erik..." I heard the telepath.  
"Please don't say anything Charles. Just don't."  
***  
"Are you two still not talking?" Charles asked. I looked at him. I knew he knew the answer and god it was hurting me. It has been nearly a week since our fight and she didn't even came back to our room. Raven came once for her clothes. She said (y/n) decided to stay at lab for some time. She needed to heal.  
"She is healing." I said.  
"Did you even visit her?"  
"No."  
"So you shouted at her about how bad she was at fighting and decisions then you didn't even apologise?"  
"No. She said she didn't need me."  
"She said she didn't need a man who will act like she is an idiot. And that moment you were acting. So..."  
"I don't think this is a good time."  
"I visited her you know. And she is broken. She needs you. She needs you to tell her how sorry you are and then take care of her. She wants you to help her even in simplest things. She wants to feel your love."  
"I fucked up Charles."  
"And you are not making anything better old friend. Go and apologise. Tell her how much you love her."  
***  
I didn't listen to Charles. I never visited her and after she was good enough to walk I ran away from her. If she was at kitchen I was at garden, if she was training I was taking a walk, if she was at common room I was in my own. She stopped staying at lab she moved to her old room with Raven's and Hank's help. She didn't even bother to come take her things instead she made a list and Raven took them. Charles was looking at me with that ' I expected more from you.' look.  
"You are the biggest ass I have ever met." I heard Angel say behind me.  
"What?"  
"You are an idiot. An ass. A jerk."  
"Look have your little tantrum over there okay?"  
"No. Not okay. You left (y/n) when she needed you the most and now you are hiding from her like the last coward. Don't even have enough balls to say sorry do you?"  
"It is not your problem."  
"Well it is yours. But everyone cares more than you do about her."  
"No one can even get close to how much I care about her."  
"Lies. You are full of it." She hissed.   
"I really have no time for your shit Angel." I said and turned to leave.  
"You never deserved her anyway. And when she will get over you and understand that you will be no one again." She said.  
***  
"If someone ones to stay behing say it now. It is the most dangerous situation we ever faced." Charles said. It was one of the rare times me and (y/n) were at the same room.  
"Situation is what exactly?" Alex askec.  
"A group of 'evil scientists' want to experiment on us. They have some mutant kids. We need to get them out." Raven said. I glanced at (y/n). She looked paler and thinner than I used to see her. She stood holding her head high like a queen. And she didn't even looked at my way.  
"So anyone out?" Hank asked. There were several 'no's.   
"Everyone get dressed Hank please prepare the jet." Charles said everyone was getting out.  
"Erik stay. (Y/n) darling you too please." He said. And after everyone was out he looked at us.  
"You two are my closest friends and my family. I know things are hard between you two but this mission is very dangerous and I don't want any personal issues mixed in it." He said.  
"There won't be any." (Y/n) said before I could say anything. "We just used to be together and nothing else. I don't think anything personal is left." She said.  
"Yeah. Nothing will be mixed." I said.  
"Guys I am tired of this bullshit." Charles said. It was one of those rare times I heard him swear.  
"Charles..." I warned him.  
"It is nothing we can fix in 15 minutes Charles. I don't think it ever can be fixed. I am sorry." She said and left.  
"Erik."  
"I will be careful. I know she will be too."  
"Why can't you just apologise damn it!"  
"Because it is too late! She has no reasons to forgive me. And she just started to be okay if I will go and say 'I am sorry. I love you.' I will hurt her again. All I do is hurting her."  
"She just started to be okay? She is a god damn ruin inside. You have no idea how much you are hurting her by ignoring. You have no idea!" He said.

***  
"We are going to start. Are you coming?" I head Moira.   
"Yeah. I am." I said silently and got up. Fixed my tie and went downstairs. Everyone was at the table dressed nice. I sat next to Raven and Charles. It was a hard year. Mansion was more silent, people were more silent. Charles stopped looking for new mutants, team stopped answering help calls, I stopped living.   
"(Y/n) was one of the best people who I ever met. She never judged me. She never judged anybody. She was full of love and caring. And I can't even believe it had been a year since she is gone. I can't believe and I don't want to believe that my best friend is gone." Raven said. We all knew she was going to say something more but she couldn't. Because it was impossible to stop her tears. Hank put and arm around her shoulder and she cried on his chest. Everyone said something. Everyone ended with tears in their eyes. I didn't talk. I just couldn't. I couldn't say her name. It hurt too much. I couldn't talk about her, too much memories. I just listened to everybody and tried to forget with alcohol sometimes even drugs. But nothing was strong enough to wipe her memory. A memory which was written all ovet my body and soul. Which I couldn't forger even if I would forget who I was. Neither I could forgive myself.  
"Erik." I heard Charles.  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you want to say something? Anything?"  
"No."  
"You can't bottle everyting in you like that."  
"I have nothing to say Charles." I said I knew he wouldn't push anymore. He knew he should not.  
***  
"Do you think he ever will be okay?" I heard Raven behind me. Erik was walking around the mansion. And I was watching him.  
"No. He could be okay if it was just her death he had to deal with but you know how they broke up. You know he still owes her an apologise. But even if he will shout it from the rouftops there is no one to hear him. No one to forgive him. And deep in his mind he blames himself. He blames his stubbornes. And you saw her body, you saw what was left of her Raven. It haunts me every night. That sight, her blood everywhere, her wide open but dead eyes, all those bruises and broken bones... It is a kind of image I can never forget or lessen the pain. Thinking about it makes me feel the pain, makes me think about the pain she felt in her last moments. And she was just a friend for me... Erik. Erik worshipped her, she was the only love he had for his whole life and he saw her like that. He held her like that. He didn't let that fragile, broken and lifeless body of the girl once was fully alive and happy all the way back here."  
"It was awful..."  
"It still is."  
"Will we be okay? Any of us?"  
"We might. But not him. He will live the hell."  
"Our mutations..."  
"Raven?"  
"You know it is kind of impossible to change your body and I do that every day, Angel has wings she can turn on or off anytime she wants and you can stop time or enter people's minds... It is impossible Charles."  
"Raven what are you talking about?"  
"Darwin can adapt to anything in seconds and that is impossible too."  
"I really don't understand."  
"Impossible Charles. Im-pos-sib-le!"  
"Are you feeling okay?"  
"We all are different kinds of impossible and bringing someone back to life is impossible too!"  
"You want to... No."  
"We just need to find the right kind of impossible and all this pain we suffer can end."  
"I don't think that one is possible love."  
"Well many people think being blue is kind of impossible too."  
"We can try. We can try to find a mutant who can bring people back to life but... But we have to keep it as a secret. I don't want to give anyone false hopes. Expecially Erik. He has enough pain. He doesn't need that."  
"Okay. I will tell hank to prepare the Cerebro. And keep it quiet."  
"Good. I will be there in 10." I said.


	2. Hard Part.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read and learn.

"I found someone." I said. My head was hurting, I felt dizzy... It has been too long since the last time I did this. "He or she I am really not sure is fading but I think I got them." I said. I felt Raven's hand on my shoulder.  
"Lets go and get them."  
"We will need to travel a long way for that darling. Pack your things."  
"Where?"  
"Looks like we are going to visit India."   
***  
And hours later we were in a nearly abandoned village. After a 10 hour flight, 4 hours long driving and half an hour walking we were here. We knocked on the old wooden door. I slowly pushed the door and looked in. There was a young man, few years younger than me he was tall amd he had a light chocolate skin with big green-hazel eyes. His face was memorable and his soft brown hair was crowning his head.  
"Hello." I said. He looked at me for a while.  
"Strangers?" He asked with heavy accent.  
"We need your help. We really need your help." Raven said from behind me.  
"I don't know what you are talking about."  
"Look we know you have a gift. Because we have our own. Raven..."  
Raven turned into her blue form and he just blinked for a moment.  
"You are like me?"  
"Yes. Yes. My name is Charles. This is Raven. And we need your help."  
"My name is Chetan. How can I help you?"  
"Our friend. Our friend was killed a year ago and we are in a pretty bad shape. We used to save people but without her it is impossible. This friend of ours had a lover which is also our friend and he is suffering pretty bad."  
"You want me to bring her back?"  
"Yes. If it is possible."  
"I brought people back but they were dead for minutes maybe days. But you said a year."  
"Can you try at least, please? We have to try everything before we will let her go. Forever." Raven said.   
"I can try." He said.  
***  
"How did your friend die?" Chetan asked. We were going to land in an hour.   
"We were in a battle and... The bad guys attacked her. She was alone there. All of us too busy fighting at our own and we were too far. They... They beat her, shoot at her and they broke her bones. Nearly every bone in her body. And... She was just a little girl you know. She never deserved anything like that. The moment we found her body I was terrified. It was awful. The girl I know was gone and all that left from her was broken, bloody body. I can only imagine the pain she felt in her last moments. And it is killing me to know she was alone through that pain. All by herself, no one to hold her hand in her last moments, no chance to say goodbye. She didn't deserve that. She just didn't." I said. I knew if I would talk a little more I would not be able to hold my tears.   
"She was young. She had a lot to do. She had so much to do." Raven said.  
"I am sorry for your loss. I will try to bring her back. But I am not sure." He said.  
"That is more than enough for us dear friend. There is one more thing we wanted to ask." I said.  
"Yes?"  
"When we will arrive please don't tell anyone why you came and your mutation. They are suffering enough and we just don't want them to have false hopes. Expecially Erik. He and (y/n)  were together and he hurt her emotionally and he never had a chance to make things right. So he shouldn't know."  
"Okay. We will keep it as secret." He said.  
"Thank you."   
***  
"Where is Professor?" Hank asked.   
"I don't know."  
"Raven is missing too."   
"I don't know."  
"Have you eaten anything Erik?"  
"I don't know!"  
"It is not healthy!"   
"I don't give a fuck about healthy damn it! I don't care about anything anymore."  
"Her death wasn't your fault."  
"It was my fault. It always will be my fault. And you have no idea what I am talking about."  
"I know you loved her."  
"I still love her! I will never stop loving her!"  
"You can't hate yourself. She wouldn't want it."  
"I am not very sure if she'd want to be dead."  
"Sometimes we lose people but it doesn't mean we lose our whole life. I cared about (y/n) too. She was my best friend. I miss her and it hurts me to know she is dead but it doesn't matter I will stop living."  
"That is the problem damn it. You lost your friend I lost the love of my life. You can go out and find hundreds of new friends but I can't find another love of my life."  
"But you can stop hurting yourself and live with her memory. With happy memories of her and yourself. You can live for her. Live the life she couldn't live."  
***  
"This is our mansion. We used to teach young mutants to control and use their powers but not since her death. We just couldn't." I said.  
"Come on I will show you your room." Raven said.  
"Can I first see her grave?"  
"Yes. Yes of course. Follow me." I said and after a 20 minute walk we were standing in front of her tomb stone. He kneeled in front of her grave and put his hand on it. I saw him closimg his eyes and some kind of blue-white light leaked in it.  
"Well..." I heard Raven.   
"I might be able to bring her back but it will take time. I need to repair her body slowly and she will become like she just died. Fresher than right now. After that we will dig the grave and pull her out. It will take a long session to wake her up and she will be weak for some time but I think she will be back."  
***  
"Erik?" I heard Charles.  
"Chuck! You are back! Where the hell were you?"  
"Yes. I am back and you are drunk."  
"I am just a little tipsy."  
"How much did you drink Erik?"  
"3 bottles maybe 5. Who knows?"  
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"  
"Because it hurts. Hurts to know my little (y/n) is up there. In heaven. Alone. And I am alone here. I love her. But she doesn't even know."  
"She knows."  
"She doesn't. If she knew she would be here. Not there. If she knew how much I loved her she would never leave me."  
"She new how much you loved her. And she loved you more. But she was protecting us and other mutants. She got hurt and she couldn't fight it. You saw how bad they hurt her. How violated her body was."  
"I saw. They killed my baby girl. They hurt her. Every cell in her little body. They took her away from me. They took everything away from me. Everything I had." I said. I could feel tears running down my cheeks.  
"Lets put you to bed. Sleep some and everything will be okay."  
"No it won't! No matter how long I will sleep she won't come back. This nightmare will never end. She won't be here. She won't be by my side."  
"You just need to be patient old friend."  
"For what? For death maybe? Why to? I can kill myself tonight. If it will get me to her I can kill myself right now."  
"No! Erik I am not talking about that. Please just go to sleep okay. I know you are in a dark place right now. We all are. Yours is darker I get it but please don't make anything stupid."  
"I did something stupid. When I let her down it was stupid. And I still pay the price."  
"Trust me Erik. Everything will be okay. I will make it okay."  
"But can you bring her back?"  
"I can try."  
"What?"  
"Just sleep old friend everything will be fine."  
***  
"Can you feel her?" I heard Raven ask. She and Chetan were at her grave and I was waiting for him to finish the daily repair.  
"I can. I can feel every cell in her body."  
"Is she getting better?"  
"She is. Think her like an empty glass and I am pouring a little water every day. When the glass will be nearly full we will get her out. And fill it totally."  
"Will she feel pain?"  
"Yes. She will. It will be a big pain. But the moment the pain will end she will feel like a new born baby."  
"And she will need to be taken care?"  
"For a while yes. But not as long as a real baby."  
"Will she be as healthy as she was?"  
"Yes. But I need to know about her mutation. I never returned mutants and I have no idea how this whole thing will effect her powers."  
"She could control the fire. Pretty good. She could create the fire or rule it. Whatever she wanted."  
"And her loved one? Erik?"  
"Erik is one of the strongest mutants I have ever met. He controls metal. Any kind. The moment he saw her, the moment they met it was a very strong one I guess. He has that habit to act like he is the boss. Anywhere anytime. And then (y/n) came and didn't give a shit about who he was or what he could do." She said and I smiled to memory. Erik and (y/n) were both strong and stubborn. Erik was a bit cocky yes but (y/n) had everything under her control   
without doing anything. She was the queen. She didn't need a crown or anything. She was the queen and everyone knew it. It was in her eyes in her every step. And Erik was going crazy over this. She stole the stage from him in seconds. And Erik was no more the most powerful or dangerous mutant (y/n) was. Few weeks later Erik's thoughts about her started to change and I could literally watch it without any telepathic powers. At first days whenever he saw (y/n) he changed his way but as days past he started to watch her. First with curiosity and then interest and then he started to feel atraction towards her. He watched her training. His eyes never left the fireballs and other shapes she created. Later he started to watch her hands and her face. Like it was the most beautiful painting or statue he had ever seen. Some nights when we went to pub all together his eyes never left her body dancing with Raven. And sometimes when men asked her for a dance he stepped in and took her out for a walk sometimes drink. He never let any other men touch her. (Y/n) was too smart to not notice Erik's feelings but she didn't want to live something that was not defined or unknown. She played the dumb untill he said 'I love you. And I want you to be mine.'   
I don't think anything was this hard for Erik. Ever.  
"It's over. Until tomorrow." Raven said and all three of us walked inside. As we entered in I saw a very stressed Hank.  
"What is the matter friend?" I asked.  
"It is Erik. He... He stopped eating again. I took away all his alcohol but he still not eating. It is not healthy Charles."  
"I know I will try to talk with him."  
"You can. I tried for 45 minutes but all he does is watching the wall. I am not even sure he heard a word I said."  
"I will enter his mind then."  
"It needs to stop Charles. As a doctor and as his friend I am worried. And I am not even sure which me is more worried."  
"His suffer will end soon. I am, we are working on it."  
"How can it? Unless you can create a new (y/n)."  
"New one is not necessary. Old one is good enough." I heard Raven whisper behind me and I gave her a warning glare. Then I made my way to Erik's room.  
***  
"You are being an absolute idiot!" I heard Raven's angry voice. She was shouting at me? Maybe.   
"Killing yourself slowly won't make anyone any good damn it!"  
I looked at her. Same Raven. Nothing changed about her. Of course she kept living her life. She had no reason to stop living it. She still had Hank. She still was sleeping every night cuddling her loved one.   
"Damn it Erik!"  
"Shout as much as you want Raven. Nothing will change. Not the truth that I lost her nor the pain I feel."  
"Don't you think that truth doesn't hurt me? Us?"  
"Not as much as it hurts me!"  
"You are just being selfish."  
"Yeah Raven? I am being selfish? Do you have any idea when was the last time I could sleep without nightmares? I fucking know you will say 'We have nightmares too.' but do you know the difference? Every time you have a nightmate you have Hank to calm you down. But when I have a nightmare where (y/n) dies every damn time. And it gets worse and worse, more painful every time... I don't have anyone to calm me down. No one tells me 'It is over. It will be okay. You will be okay.'. Because it is not over or okay Raven. It won't be okay. It never is just a nightmare. It is the truth. Where my (y/n) died, was killed and all I could do was carrying her lifeless body back home. I am hurting myself because I need something to focus on except that big black emptiness inside me. And pain is the only thing that is strong enough to distract me."  
"You can talk to me, to Charles."  
"And what then? You will understand, you will share my pain?"  
"Erik..."  
"Raven. (Y/n) died and I acted like a jerk before her death. I never apologized, I never said how sorry I was for every bad thing I told her. For every tear that fell from her eyes because of me."  
"I know..."  
"No. You think you know."  
***  
"Charles." I heard Chetan's soft and accented voice.  
"Yes?"  
"I think it is time to take her out."  
"You sure?"  
"I checked twice. It is time."  
***"We are going to do what?" Alex said.  
"Dig (y/n)s grave." I answered calmly.  
"Professor don't you think it is a bit disrespectful?" Hank said.  
"We were working on it. It has been a month nearly. We will bring her back to life."  
"It is crazy."  
After a long argument Alex and I started to dig it. Raven was with Erik. Chetan and Hank were waiting for us to take her out. And minutes later Alex was holding her in his arms. She was pale. Paler than I have ever seen someone but all the broken bones and cutes were gone. I jumped out and took her from Alex. I gently layed her down and Chetan's hands started to shine with his blue-white light. He placed one hand on her chest over her heart and the other on her forehead. Her dark purple lipd started to turn into a lighter shade and to pink after that. I think all of ours fingers were crossed at this moment.  
And then I heard a deap inhale. And violent coughs.   
"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god." I was repeating uncontrollably. Chetan moved to side and Hank layed (y/n) acros his lap putting an O2 mask to her mouth and nose.  
"Deep breaths (y/n). Deep breaths." He said his arm around her body holding her, supporting her.   
"Charles serum please." Hank said. My hands were shaking but I managed to put the needle in her vein.  
Alex and even Chetan were watching us with big suprised eyes.   
She tapped the mask and Hank took it off. She still was taking slow shaky breaths.   
"Hello love." I said holding her small hands in mine.  
"Charles..." she whispered.  
"How are you feeling?" I asked kissing her hands.   
"I don't know." She said holding my hands stronger.   
"You are okay. You will be okay. Worst part is over." I said and hugged her. Her arms went around me. I pressed her fragile body to mine and with all my strenght I held my tears. I kissed her temple and lifted her.   
"Lets take you to lab. And make sure everything is fine." I said.   
"Okay." She said and put her head on my shoulder.  
"What happened to me?" She asked.  
"You won't believe. I will tell you everything. But first we got to be sure you are healthy."  
"You look different. Older?" She asked her cold fingers tracing my cheek.  
"It has been a while since the last time we saw each other."  
"How long?"  
"A bit longer than a year."  
"Where was I?"  
"You were dead love. You died." I said. Putting her to bed softly.   
"Dead? But how?"  
"We found a mutant who could bring people back and here you are."  
"Oh god." She said. I could see the tears in her eyes. I held her pressed to my chest as Hank took some blood sample.  
"Are you hungry darling? Of course you are. I will bring you some soup. Lets be easy on your stomach for a while."  
"Bring some yoghurt too. It will help." Hank said as he checked her pulse.  
***  
Her hands were shaky, she was shocked and her body was slowly realising it was born again.   
"Come on love one more spoon." I said and offered her some more soup. She slowly opened her mouth and ate it.  
"Thank you Charles." She said.  
"You are welcome." I said and rubbed her knee.  
"Can I ask you something?"  
"Yes. Of course anything."  
"Does Erik hate me this much? I mean I literally saw everyone. Alex was here, Hank was here, Angel, Banshee and Chetan. You rarely left my side. But Erik didn't even said hi..."  
"He doesn't know." I said quietly.  
"What?"  
"When you died. Everything went down. Everything and it happened fast. No one took it well. Raven and I were the ones who thought about bringing you back. And we didn't tell anyone. Alex and Hank learned when I told them we were going to dig your grave. Others learned after you woke up and was totally checked."  
"You didn't tell Erik!"  
"Love. You don't understand. Erik took it the worst. He... He was lost. He blamed himself. He still is blaming himself. And he has depression. He thinks he lost you because the last weeks before your death. And he keeps repeating that time in his head. I couldn't give him any wrong hopes."  
"I am awake right now."  
"I don't know how to tell him. I have no idea."  
"Tell him to come here."  
"What?"  
"Raven is with him so I can't be any shape shifting. Tell them to come here."  
"He will havea shock."  
"He will have a shock either way."  
"(Y/n)."  
"Call them Charles. I want to see him."  
***  
"Charles is calling us." Raven said. She was unusually excited even nervous.  
"Yeah..."  
"Lets go."  
"No. I am good."  
"Erik it might be important."  
"I don't give a shit."  
"Get up damn it. Lets go!" She said and started to pull me.  
We stood in front of lab's doors and Raven was standing there.  
"I came here and we are watching the door?"  
"Oh. Yes. Lets get in." She said her hands were shaking as she pushed the door.  
"Oh God..." she said as tears started to run down her eyes.  
"Are you okay?" I said. And then I heard her saying my name. I heard (y/n) saying my name.  
I turned my head and met her (e/c) eyes. She looked pale but it was her.  
"This is not possible." I said. And all my world went black.  



	3. It's Been A Long Year.

"This can't be true." I whispered. Raven was hugging (y/n). Raven was crying on (y/n) and she was trying to calm her down. (Y/n). She was moving, she was breathing. She was alive.  
"It is true." I heard Charles.  
"But how?"  
"We found a mutant who could bring dead people back."  
"Why didn't you tell me Charles?"  
"We didn't tell anybody. Just me and Raven knew. It was an extreme to bring someone back after a year of death. We didn't want anyone to have false hopes."  
"She is alive."  
"She is."  
"Oh god." I said closing my eyes. And I felt a small hand touching my cheek. I opened my eyes and met (y/n)s beautiful (e/c) eyes. She smiled at me softly.  
"Hi." She whispered.  
"Hello." I whispered back. And took her free hand in mine. I kissed her wrist and feeling her pulse made my heart go faster.  
"Did you miss me?" She asked.  
"You have no idea how much."  
"Then why are you not getting closer?"  
"Because... You know... The fight we had. The things I said. I am not sure if I still have the right to be close."  
"I forgave you long time ago Erik."  
"But..."  
"Before I died, before that mission long time ago. How could I stay mad at you?"  
"I love you. Very much." I said.  
"I love you too." She said and I leaned to her. Our lips met and I cupped her head. Her soft hair in my hand. I kissed her as slow as I could to make this moment as personal as possible. She smiled into the kiss andmy heart ached. It has been such a long time since I have kissed her. Since I have touch her. Me, my body, my heart, my soul... Erverything I got missed her so much.  
"My god." I whispered to her lips.  
"I missed you." She said and smiled.  
"God..." was all I could say as I took her in my arms and pressed her to my chest firm enough to feel as one body but soft enough to not hurt her.  
She put her slim arms around me and climbed to my lap.  
***  
"She was all he needed." Raven said. Her eyes puffy from previous crying but a happy and proud smile on her lips.  
"She was all we needed too." I said. Chetan came and sat next to us.  
"My mission here is done. So..."  
"So it is your choice. You can stay with us here. As (y/n) is back I think everything will be better. We even might start teaching again. You can train with us and maybe teach with us. Or you can go back home. We can take you. The choice is yours my friend. Totally."  
"I have no family or much friends back at India but still it is my home."  
"But do you want to return?"  
"What I will do here?"  
"If we will turn to our previous living and start missions again we might need you. Very much. You can bring people back yes but you also can fix them. I mean broken bones, deep cuts... And we always need this kind of power. If you will stay you will save lots of lifes."  
"I don't want to be a burden."  
"You brought us our friend Chetan. You could not be a burden. Ever." Raven said.  
***  
"Hank said you should rest a lot and eat healthy. At first only liquid but by the time..."  
"I know sweetheart I know." I said as Erik carried me to his room. To our old room. He layed me down softly and helped me took of my clothes after he prepared a bath for me. He carried my naked body to bathroom and put me in the water.  
"You should join me." I said ad I played with bubbles.  
"No. I should clean you. And then take you out and dress you."  
"Why? I missed your touch." I whined.  
"Because I miss your touch too and if I will be naked with your naked body I am not sure how I can control myself."  
"What does it mean?"  
"That you are perfect and I don't want to get over excited."  
"Yeah. I got that. I mean why?"  
"Well when you don't have sex for over a year your body craves for some touch."  
"You didn't have sex for over a year?"  
"Yeah." He said casually. Okay that was not the Erik I knew. He would fuck me anytime he could back in the days. Few times in a day sometimes.  
"I don't get it."  
"Who would I have sex with (y/n)?"  
"Women?"  
"Yeah there was one woman. 6 feet under the ground. So sex was hard with her."  
"You didn't have sex because I was dead."  
"I hardly breathed because you were dead." He said rubbing some soap on my back.  
"Oh you are such a romantic."  
  
"No. I am just in love with you." He said kissing my neck.  
"You are too sweet." I said as he washed my hair. After rinsing my hair and body ander the warm water Erik put a big soft towel around my body.  
"Sit here I will bring your clothes."  
"My clothes."  
"None of us had heart to throw away your things. I don't think anyone ever touched your room. Except me. Sometimes I slept in your bed that's all." He said.   
He returned with my cotton shorts and a light top. He helped me dress. And layed me on bed. After changing gis clothes he layed beside me. I put my head to his shoulder and he put his arms around me body.  
"It is like a dream come true. It is magical."   
"What?"  
"Having you here. Next to me. Breathing." He said and kissed my head.  
"I am glad you are happy." I said.  
"I am happy. After a very long time I am." He said and wished me good night. I fell asleep listening to his breathing.  
***  
I slowly opened my eyes. Taking a deep breath filling my lungs with (y/n)s scent. It was a miracle her being alive and in my arms. A miracle. Her little heart beating calmly against my chest. I ran my fingers across her soft stomach. Just reminding myself how soft her skin was. Always a bit colder than mine. But I loved that fact. I loved how she snuggled to me to get warmer. I kissed her lips. Just to feel her against myself.  
"Morning Erik." She murmured eyes still closed.  
"Good morning." I said and she buried her face in my neck. God I missed this so bad.  
"You lay some more. I will bring us breakfast." I said.  
"No... Don't leave. Cuddle me." She pouted. I slowly kissed her and smiled.  
"We can cuddle as much as you want. After the breakfast." I said and pecked the tip of her nose before I left.  
***  
"What are you doing?" I heard Charles behind me.  
"Oh. Just preparing breakfast for (y/n)."  
"How is she?"  
"I bathed her than put her to sleep last night. She is okay. A bit shaky on her feet but she will get stronger."  
"Emotionally?"  
"It is better. We are better."  
"I am planning to reopen the school."  
"Might be a good idea."  
"I know you two need some time. And after she will get better maybe you two should go to a holiday?"   
"Maybe."  
"Erik... I know you still blame yourself you always will but she loves you and she still wants to be with you. So I think you should take all those bad thoughts and push them away. Focus on (y/n). Focus on your relationship."  
"I am not sure Charles. The thing is I still am afraid to hurt her lose her again. I had a year without her and I don't think I can survive another pain like that."  
"I know. But there is no way to tell everything will be okay after this. Nothing will go wrong. Only thing you can do is to be with her. Hold her hand. Show your love. This is the only thing to do."  
"Yeah."  
"Old friend." He said putting his hand on my shoulder. "You have your angel back. So go. Be with her." He said. I made some tea for both of us and a smoothie for her and a toast for me.   
***  
Erik came back 20 minutes later and we had breakfast. I was sitting my back on his chest his arms around me.   
"Want to go for a walk?" He asked biting my shoulder gently.  
"Walk?"  
"Well, I will walk you will just be in my arms."  
"Hmm... Won't you get tired?"  
"You are not heavy. And I am big strong Magneto." He said I laughed and he chuckled with me.  
"Okay. Big strong Magneto we can go for a walk." I said. He hugged me from behind and gave me hundreds of kisses wherever he could.  
"I love you." He said.  
"I love you too." I said and kissed his jaw.  
***  
"Lets sit by the fountain huh?" I asked. My arms were around (y/n)s back and under her knees. Her arms were around my shoulders.   
"I like it here." she said.  
"Outside or in my arms?"  
"Second one." She said pressing a soft kiss on my chin.  
"I like you here too." I said nuzzling her hair with my nose.   
"Look who is here?" We heard Raven's giggly voice.  
"Hey Raven!" (Y/n) said waving her hand.  
"You two look too cute." She said.   
"Because we are cute." (Y/n) said.   
***  
"Your pulse is strong. Blood preasure is good. Generally you are okay. But you still need to rest. Not walking around are you?""Except going to pee? No. Erik carries me around. He helps me wash myself, dress myself and etc."  
"That's good. You can try some normal food. As less oil as possible because your stomach is still a bit sensetive."  
"Okay."  
"I will call Erik. So he can get you." Hank said and patted my shoulder.   
Door opened and Erik came in. Small smile on his lips and worry in his beautiful eyes.  
"Hank said I am good. But still you are my slave." I said wiggling my brows. He laughed.  
"I am for ever your slave." He said and stood between my legs. His hands caresing my thigs. I put my hands on his chest and felt his muscles. Damn I wanted him bad. So bad. It's been nearly a month since I came back and he never ever tried to get intimate with me.  
"Erik..." I moaned.   
"Lets go to our room." He said pulling me to himself. He lifted me in his big strong arms and we went to our bed.  
"I miss you." I said silently. My hands caresing his arms.  
"We can't (y/n)."  
"But I miss you so bad." I pouted. He kissed me softly.  
"No."   
"Please..." I said kissing his jaw, sucking his neck. I could feel him getting hard. I pushed my hips to met his. And his boner was just between my legs.  
"(Y/n)..." he moaned. And tried to get away from me.  
"Come on Erik. Take me. Here and now." I whispered. I wanted Erik. I wanted him bad. I needed him to fuck me.  
"If I will hurt you I will never be ablr to forgive myself."  
"If you won't fuck me I will go and find someone to fuck me. I want you, hell, I need you Erik can't you see that? It is killing me to have you this close and only be able to cuddle or peck you."  
"But..." He said. But he wanted this as much as I did. Maybe more.  
"Please..." I begged shaking my hips for more friction.  
"I will be on top. And I will take care of you. Got it?"  
"Yeah."  
"Don't do anything that will tire you."  
"Okay." I said not able to hide the smile of victory.  
"God I love you." He said kissing me hard but still gentle. His hands under my dress cupping my ass. My hands went down his shirt and I felt his soft skin covering hard muscles. I moaned to that feeling. He was a hot son of a bitch. God he was too hot sometimes. I took off his shirt and took a glance to his long lean torso. I put my hands to his chest and loved the way heat radiated from his skin.  
He slowly took off my dress and kissed my bare stomach.   
"Are you sure? You have to say now because if I will see that pink pussy of yours I really won't be able to stop."  
"Don't you dare to stop."  
He took of his panths, my bra and my panties. He went on his knees. Kissed my chest, my stomach and my pussy. He softly sucked my clit.   
"I want to eat you out. But I really need to be inside you." He said.  
"I couldn't agree more." I whispered. I opened my legs and he slowly went in me.  
"Oh Lord..." I said. He was too big. I hadn't had sex for too long. He took is as slow as possible. I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him to myself for a deep kiss.  
"You good?"  
"So good..." I said. He started to slowly move inside me and I was a moaning mess.  
***  
(Y/n) was laying on my chest. She was naked, her bare breasts pressed to my bare chest. I caresed the curve of her ass and patted it a little.  
"I missed this." I said. "I missed you. I missed sex with you. I miss this feeling, you and me naked cuddling like this."  
"I know what you are talking about." She said her soft finger tips drawing shapes and curves on my chest. I kissed her forehead. She took a deep breath and got closer.  
"Are you feeling okay? Anywhere hurts?"  
"You know regular after sex sweet hurt. Nothing that a good sleep won't fix." She said kissing my shoulder.  
"Go to sleep." I whispered. "I will be here. I always will be."  
"I know." She said and buried her face in my neck.


	4. Hometown Glory.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Aaaand a bit tears.

“Be careful love.” Erik whispered softly as his strong arm went around my waist softly. I leaned into his firm torso as his warmth hugged me all over. He pressed his lips to my hair and took a deep breath. It made me happy, how calm and peaceful he was. He looked happy. Happier than I ever have seen him all my life. 

“I think I can handle it.” I said slowly. 

“I don’t want to risk it.”

“It has been a whole week since I am back.”

“Believe me I am aware. You are still weak (Y/n). Let me take care of you.”

“You are tiring yourself too much Erik.” I said he smiled and his lips touched mine. It was barely a kiss but it was beautiful. I couldn’t stop the smile growing on my lips.

“I am not tiring myself Liebe. I am just looking after my girlfriend believe me it is not something that could ever tire me. I am pretty much enjoying it.”

“I will stop complaining about you doing all this if…”

“If?”

“If you will stop worrying.”

“(Y/n), dear, you were dead and now I have you back. I know how hard it was to live without you. I know how much it hurt. And I never really want to live through that again. So… I am worried yes. I am worried that something might happen to my sunshine, the idea of you getting hurt is killing me but… I am better than I was a week ago. So much better you have no idea. Ask Raven, ask Chuck, ask anyone you wish… I am so much better. And like it or not little miss I am taking care of you. Okay?” He asked something warm in his cold blue eyes. Something soft and thankful. He still was so breathtaking and mine… I could not believe that sometimes.

“Just stop overdoing it.” I asked him resting my forehead on his lean chest. His heartbeat softly beating my skin. He was smelling so masculine and like home. His smell always made me feel safe and I was thankful for that. 

***

I lifted her smaller body in my arma and carried her to our bathroom. The tube was full with warm water and citrus smelled bubbles. She was wrapped in her soft, light green towel. She looked so pretty and cute… God. She was a dream come true. She was fascinating. I kissed her smooth bare shoulder and inhaled her scent. 

“Ready for a bath?” I asked pushing the bathroom door open. 

“I am not 4 year old Lehnsherr. Stop acting like I am.”

“You are too hot for a 4 year old anyway darling.”

“Oh. So you think I am hot…” she aaid biting her soft plump lip.

“Oh shut up Liebling. And take off your towel it is bath time.”

“You cheeky bastard.” she said dropping her towel. I kissed the soft skin between her breasts as I helped her getting in the tube.

“You still look pale.” I said washing her soft (h/c) hair. I knew how much she relaxed when I played with her hair. And I knew even without looking at her that her eyes were closed. I smiled at how at peace we were. How perfect everything was… She leaned into my touch and it made me smile. 

“I never dared to imagine to be this happy again. You know…” I whispered.

“Why not?” she murmured to sensitive from all that hair play.

“You were dead (Y/n). You were dead and there was nothing I could do. I hated myself, I hated this place, I hated everything. Everything, except you. And you were gone. Too far away from my reach. I never can be prepared to lose you. But losing you like that… Nothing could have hurt me like that. You know my life and it was harder than most of lives. My mother was killed in front of my eyes, the world war has taken all my family, those camps and everything I went through… Nothing. Nothing (Y/n), nothing has hurt me the way losing you did. Nothing made me fall down on my knees and feel that useless, meaningless. I have never felt that empty when I realised you were not coming back. We, I mean Charles and Raven, did the impossible. You are back. But sometimes when I wake up and you are not in my arms, when there are barely few inches between us… I feel scared that it all was a dream. You have no idea how it slowly killed me every day to think that I will spend the next days of my life with you 6 feet under the ground.”

“Erik, love…” ahe whispered voice cracked with tears.

“Hush baby girl… Don’t you cry.” I said kissing her forehead.

“I am sorry you had to feel all that shit because of me and…” I didn’t let her finish pressing my lips to her soft ones. Our kiss was salty because of both of ours tears.

“I love you. And I am ready to go through all that shit no matter how hard it will be if it is for you.”

“I love you too Erik.” she said. Putting her wet arms around me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly sorry for not writing over a year! You can kill me seriosly. It is just... Erik is a hard persovality and there are not many places to read more about him like Avengers fandom.   
> But here I am.  
> Thank you for reading please leave kudos, comments and requests.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please live kudos and comments.


End file.
